My adult son lives with me and has a Wal-Mart job. I asked him for rent but he refuses to help. How do I resolve this?

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Forget the concept of 'childhood home'. For a growing number of adult children, the place they grew up is their adulthood home, too.

Rohan Shah, an assistant professor of economics at the University of Mississippi, reports in The Conversation that in just 10 years, 1.5 million more young Americans (34 and under) chose to live at home (1).

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According to the Pew Research Center, the trend is especially concentrated in California, Texas and Florida.

Shaw says the housing crisis is definitely contributing to the phenomenon, as young people struggle to pay rent let alone buy a home.

More adult sons live at home than daughters (20% versus 15%, respectively) (2). Maybe it’s hard to turn down mom’s cooking and laundry.

The set-up can be win-win, allowing parents to help their kids save a lot of money. According to Rent Cafe, median rent across the U.S. hit $1,743 this November (3).

So if you’re asking your adult son for $650 a month rent, you’re offering a great deal he shouldn’t refuse.

After all, you’re not only taking care of his financial security, but you need to focus on your own long-term security by saving more for retirement.

So if your son refuses to pay you rent, it’s time to have a serious talk and set some boundaries and expectations.

The problem with supporting adult children

Unfortunately, this is a common problem. A 2024 survey from Savings.com found that 61% of adult children who live at home contribute $0 to household expenses (4).

Meanwhile, the same survey found that 47% of parents support grown children financially, to the tune of $1,384 per child per month.

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The math is troubling, as these parents are only setting aside $609 a month in retirement savings, less than half what they’re investing in their adult kids.

No surprise then, that a U.S. Bank survey found that almost 25% of parents worry their children will depend on them financially for years to come (5).

To be fair, young adults don't have it easy. Inflation spiked in recent years, and many students graduate college with piles of debt.

It's understandable that a 20-something might choose (or need) to live at home for a period of time to get on their feet.

But the more financial support you give your grown kids, the more it hinders your own financial goals, particularly around retirement. Federal Reserve data from 2022 found that among adults aged 45 to 54, the median retirement account balance was $115,000.

For those aged 55 to 64, it was $185,000. These aren’t large sums to retire on.

If supporting your children financially is reducing your ability to save, it’s time to break that cycle.

Setting boundaries and expectations

You may be loath to start a conversation with your adult kids about financial responsibility. The U.S. Bank survey revealed that parents would rather talk to their children about their choice of political candidate than finances.

But the sooner you have open discussions about money, the better. In fact, you can do your adult children a favor by replacing a sense of financial dependence with independence and mastery.

First, establish ground rules on how much they have to chip in to live under your roof. Make the connection between their living at home and the higher utility bills and grocery costs you pay.

Then talk about your own financial situation and goals — whether that’s setting aside savings, going on an overdue vacation or retiring with enough money to live independently.

Explaining that you need your son’s $650 monthly contribution to fund your IRA or 401(k) might resonate.

Ask your adult children about their own goals. You may even want to work on a budget together or connect them with a financial adviser.

It’s a noble thing to want to offer your grown kids financial support. But you shouldn’t do so in a manner that hurts your own finances or that hinders their own ability to succeed.

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Article sources

We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.

The Conversation (1); Pew Research Center (2); Rent Cafe (3); Savings.com (4); US Bank (5)

This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.